Process vs. Progress

Brain Food

I play chess because I love the way it works with my brain. Chess forces me to slow down. Chess forces me to stop. Chess forces me to think. In the serene moments where I play chess, ignoring distractions as much as possible, I access a quiet, logical part of my brain. While playing chess can be stressful, its stress is focused and consistent.

I know that I've played a good game of chess when specific decisions show moments of deeper consideration. When I respond to my opponent's moves, rather than react to them. When my clock runs lower than the starting time control. The games where I slow down, think, and respond? I usually win those games.

I've played games where I do none of those things: I play quickly. I make careless moves. I don't look for my opponent's strategy. I react, rather than respond. I lose almost all of those games. I know when I've played those games, too, because they're the ones I don't analyze afterward. After those games, I'm too frustrated to revisit my errors, so I don't.

Analysis

In my last lesson with my chess coach, they encouraged me to spend more time analyzing my games. In specific, they encouraged me to create four studies:

1. Games where I play white, and open with 1. d4
2. Games where I play white, and open with 1. e4
3. Games where I play black, and white opens with 1. d4
4. Games where I play black, and white opens with 1. e4

Since then, I've tried to put my games into analysis mode, and then copy them into the appropriate study. From there, I go through each move and identify spots where I played well (or poorly), and explore alternatives. For example, here's a recent game where I played the Caro-Kann against 1. e4:

On move 8, I reflexively made the move Bxe7. White recaptures with Bxe7, and I recapture with Nxe7. In the moment, I deliberated between capturing with my knight and capturing with my queen. I chose the former, and played the rest of the game from there. In my post-game analysis, I noted that by making the move 8. .. Bxe7, I gave up my bishop pair for a knight/bishop combination.

So what? I didn't lose material, and the position is fine. The important thing is to note the choice I made, and the choice I didn't think to make. I don't mind it when I make a decision that leads to a poor outcome. I can review the reasoning for that decision and make a better one next time. I do mind when I miss noticing the decision entirely.

Catch Yourself Thinking

I've heard of an idea in chess that people are better than their rating would indicate: that I'm a 1500 in a 1200's body. While I don't find that idea particularly helpful, I do think it contains a kernel of truth. When I play in a distracted state, I am worse than my rating would indicate. I drop games to players rated more than 100 points lower than I. I blunder my queen with bracing consistency, so much so that you'd think I meant to do it. In those games, I am a 900 in a 1200's body.

When I concentrate, question myself, and take time before moving, I am better than my rating. I can (and have) beaten players rated more than 100 points higher than I. I find forcing moves. I don't blunder nearly as much. I win, even though winning isn't the entire point. In those games, I might just be a 1500 in a 1200's body.

It's hard to be aware of what I'm doing while I'm doing it. I'm caught in the moment. I'm not thinking ahead. By analyzing my games, I can create a narrative around my successes and my failures. I can notice what I was noticing. It lacks immediate gratification. I don't immediately improve after analyzing another game I've lost through blundering my queen. If I catch myself doing it over and over, though, maybe next time I'll remember.